The attractions of Gordon Ramsay and Jeremy Clarkson

I didn’t mean to do it, honest I didn’t. You know what it’s like – you’re away from home, you’ve had a sumptuous dinner and are well lubricated from a combination of wine and strange spirits (a tip for the future: if you order raki, SIP!!). You’re away from home and there’s nothing to do in your hotel room…

Shame on you! Nothing sordid happened – although there’s plenty to be embarrassed about. No, I’m talking about a new guilty pleasure. Possibly the most guilty so far – and that’s saying something for me. Short of watching Welsh TV (which we did for a while just for the laugh), there was nothing else for it. Hell’s Kitchen USA.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, and I had, so far, consciously avoided pretty much all of Gordon’s foul-mouthed output. But it was all that was on and hey, Gordon against a bunch of earnest American wannabe chefs – it had to be fun on a trashy level. And boy, was it! Used to praise and a supportive dismissal, they weren’t ready for the full onslaught, like throwing Bambi in front of a machine gun.

Thing is, I didn’t mean to do it, but now I have a bit of a thing for Gordon. Under the F words, he seems to be sweet, caring, passionate about food and somehow attractive. Believe me, I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it. But then there are many men that we women like that it’s difficult to explain, particularly to other men.

Let’s hit the highlights: Richard Hammond (cute and sweet), Jeremy Clarkson (those bombasts are entertaining), Alan Titchmarsh (no defence there, but he twinkles), Michael Palin (much the same), Michael Woods (sexy archaeology), Tom Conti (twinkling again), Derek Jacobi (it’s the voice), Robson Greene (always looks like he needs taking care of), Anton du Beke (we think he might be a bit naughty given the chance), David Tennant (bouncy labrador).

It’s not so much the physical attractiveness, although that does help – it’s more of an attraction of other qualities. Twinkling, intelligence, a sense of humour… Talent helps… (Come to think of it, George Clooney has it all. Hmmm…) We like the looks of Brad Pitt or David Beckham, but it needs more (they’re both much more attractive as wonderful dads).

Oh, but there’s a male counterpart, don’t you worry. Oh yes. And we’re equally as baffled as the menfolk. Helen Mirren, Keira Knightley, Felicity Kendall, Kristen Scott-Thomas, Fiona Bruce. A woman who was known to be a bit of a goer in her youth and posh totty, we all snort into our Chardonnay. Nigella? Just filth.

Who’s your slightly strange attraction? We won’t judge, I promise – just don’t give me a new one!