An email lands from an old friend: ‘The other day, we went to a wedding where my friend, a single mother, took the traditional role of a father and walked her daughter down the aisle to give her away. It set me wondering, in this age of same sex marriages and gender fluidity, what approach same-sex parents might adopt in the same situation? A bride with two dads? A bride with two mums?’
This old friend, I should add, is gay and has been with his husband for nearly 50 years. They were one of the first couples to become civil partners, on the first day it was allowed by UK law in 2005. They were also one of the first couples to convert this partnership to marriage, when that was allowed nine years later. So he’s well placed to pose such a question and is coming at it from a place of genuine inquiry.
The simple answer is: you can have whoever you like walk you down the aisle, nowadays. One father, two fathers. One mother, two mothers. Practicalities may cause the odd problem since certain church aisles, especially in rural parts of Dorset and Sussex (in my experience), are so narrow it’s hard to squeeze two people alongside one another, let along three. But if you want both parents with you, why not?
If you want a grandparent, or an adopted parent, or a sibling or a friend or your postman, quite frankly, why ever not? If you want to stroll down it alone, that’s fine too. Take your dog, if you like. Although I may take this moment to caution against dogs in bow ties. Tiny bit twee, in my honest opinion.
Alternatively, you could do a Meghan Markle and split the aisle in two. The Duchess of Sussex sashayed the first half of the aisle alone on her wedding day, then picked up her soon-to-be father-in-law half-way down. You could do this with each parent, so they both have a star turn; a metaphor for the idea that parenting is a relay.
Why should there be any rules when it comes to same-sex weddings, either? I’ve been to one where both brides walked down the aisle, their small son between them. I’ve been to another where one bride stood at the altar, and the other walked down the aisle towards her alone. Both were immensely moving. More moving, dare I say it, than some of the heterosexual weddings I’ve been to simply because this wasn’t ‘allowed’ not so long ago.
Celebrate however you wish. Throw the rule book out the window. Love wins, as they say, no matter what it looks like.
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