Let’s say they’re not quite in-laws yet because these aren’t the Victorian times. But perhaps you’ve been dating for a few months and the moment has arrived. You’re meeting the people who could, maybe one day, be your in-laws. Hopefully you won’t do as badly as one of my friends, who was caught, ahem, at it in the garden with their daughter during his weekend there. That didn’t make much of an impression.
Meanwhile, I once spent an entire weekend, the first time I met the parents, having my leg rogered by their dog. ‘He only does this to people he really likes,’ the mother kept saying gaily, dragging the labrador off again as I dusted down my tidy trousers.
Ultimately, of course, the thing to be is charming and to join in. If it’s simply lunch or dinner, you can do this by asking plenty of questions. Not deeply personal questions. ‘Have you ever thought of having that mole removed, Mrs Smith?’ No, not that sort of thing. But quiz your other half about them beforehand so you have some questions up your sleeve, and then you could try something like ‘Apparently you’re into Morris dancing, Mr Smith. That sounds fascinating. Do tell me more.’
If you’re going to stay with them, joining in means being helpful — offering to unload the dishwasher, offering to help chop vegetables, offering to lay the table. And offer to strip your bed when you leave. Compliment the house, compliment the comfortable bedding, compliment the garden. You won’t always have to be such an ingratiating creep, but if you really like this person, then first impressions on his or her family matter.
Oh, and compliment the cooking. But mind how you go, because an ex-girlfriend of one of my brothers took it upon herself to compliment my father on a barbecued sausage one summer. ‘Mmm,’ she said, shooting a very deliberate look at my brother across the table, ‘this is the second-best thing I’ve had in my mouth all day.’ I probably wouldn’t go that far, but ‘mmm, delicious chicken,’ or ‘what a sensational crumble’ is about right.
And if they’ve picked up the tab for lunch or dinner, or you’ve been to stay with them, send a thank you card. I’ve had to prod various ex-boyfriends to send a note to my parents after certain events, which is excruciating and unsexy, like reminding a child they need to send thank you letters after Christmas, and quite possibly why I haven’t ended up with any of them. A proper thank you, in this situation, goes a long way. Particularly if you made a bawdy and inappropriate joke over lunch.
-
Farmers of Britain, go forth and grow prawnsA new study has proposed that farmers could start growing king prawns to diversify income streams.
-
'A masterpiece of timeless elegance' for sale on the charmed Surrey estate once owned by Henry VIII and the Guinness familyThe Manor House in Burwood Park is a grand, enormous and undeniably impressive. Annabel Dixon takes a look.
-
This machine is what happens when the Rolls-Royce of motorbikes and the most innovative of watchmakers join forcesBrough Superior and Richard Mille, two brands renowned for perfection, have created something that is exactly that.
-
‘Each one is different depending on what mood I’m in, how I'm feeling and how my energy is’ — meet the carver behind Westminster Hall's angel statuesBespoke woodcarver William Barsley makes unique scale replicas of the angels that gaze over Westminster Hall, the oldest part of the palace of Westminster.
-
If chess is 'the supreme board game', then it deserves to be played on boards like theseChess sets and backgammon boards are a familiar sight on drawing-room tables, but one expert Highland woodworker is refashioning their forms in beautiful new ways.
-
What is everyone talking about this week: Thanks to modern-day technology, people were far happier in the days when Nero was setting Rome ablazeWas the ancient world's superior happiness down to its ‘superior production of art’?
-
A slick looking off-roader that's a far cry from its rustic rural roots — Volvo EX30 Cross CountryThe latest iteration of Volvo's Cross Country is flashy, fast and stylish. But is that what a Volvo Cross Country is supposed to be?
-
‘I cannot bring myself to believe that Emily Brontë would be turning over in her grave at the idea of Jacob Elordi tightening breathless Barbie’s corset’: In defence of radical adaptationsA trailer for the upcoming adaptation of 'Wuthering Heights' has left half of Britain clutching their pearls. What's the fuss, questions Laura Kay, who argues in defence of radical adaptations of classic literature.
-
Mark Gatiss: ‘BBC Two turned down The League of Gentlemen six times’The actor and writer tells Lotte Brundle about his latest Christmas ghost story, discovering Benedict Cumberbatch — and his consuming passions.
-
Wildhive Callow Hall hotel review: I felt like a squirrel preparing for hibernation and I loved itThe boutique treehouses at this Derbyshire getaway are the best way to unwind in nature and explore the Peak District, writes Lotte Brundle.
