One of the joys of going away for a weekend in the country is that familiar moment as you get closer and closer to your destination of not having the slightest clue where you are.
No, it’s not that I love the mild stress of worrying that the SatNav is playing up — and in the past I’ve ended up stuck in fields in Northumberland, and sandwiched between tractors on country lanes in Devon. Instead it’s that sequence of thoughts (‘Can this be right?’, ‘Have we gone too far?’, ‘Is that even a road?’) which builds up the tension, all of which dissipates with a magnificent rush of relief when you arrive somewhere really, truly splendid.
I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that feeling more acutely than I did when we found Falcon Farmhouse, hopped out of the car, and walked around the back to the pool, set in an incredible hillside spot overlooking a gorgeous Staffordshire valley.
Really, truly splendid indeed. I’m not sure what I could write at this point that would tell you more than these pictures; the only thing I can think of is that as well as this glorious view, there are a couple of fields right next door, one with some chatty sheep, and one with some very friendly horses who love to come up and say hello.
Yes, there's also a big metal Jacuzzi-style outdoor bath.
As nice as the pool and patio are, they’re not much good for activities such as sleeping and eating, but the rest of the Falcon Farmhouse has that covered. It sleeps up to eight people (six adults and two kids) in what are effectively three-and-a-half bedrooms: two upstairs, one downstairs with an adjoining kids’ room with bunks. It’s the ideal set-up for keeping the little ones close but not too close at night.
While you could easily come here for a romantic break, this really does feel like a place to come with kids, or more likely as a multi-generational break. There are a couple of sitting rooms — more snugs than big living areas — and a well-equipped kitchen with a huge table for dinners. It’s a converted barn rather than a huge country house, but it’s simple and cosy.
The kitchen-diner. Love the wallpaper.
Simple and cosy, that is, until you find the home cinema that’s tucked away from the main building in the huge pool house. It’s so good — so good — that you could quite always try to recoup some of the hefty room rate (which tops £1,500 a night in high season) by screening films and selling tickets. Proper cinema-style banked seating, a whopping sound system and a screen measured in yards rather than inches are the order of the day.
Never have episodes of Bluey looked so good. The farmhouse itself is lovely, but it’s the pool and cinema that really takes the Falcon Farmhouse up a notch, and turns a nice break into something very memorable.
Falcon Farmhouse rates run from £700 a night to £1,550 a night, depending on season. See more at thetawny.co.uk/stay/falcon-farmhouse.
The home cinema that feels like a non-home cinema.
Eating and drinking
The Falcon is a self-catering farmhouse, and you could do everything for yourself. But it’s a place with a few tricks up its sleeve: while it has the feel of a remote country retreat, it’s technically part of The Tawny, one of the best-known country hotels in this neck of the woods. It's tucked away, discreet and charming, and the sort of place where you’re very likely to see Premier League footballers and TV actresses pootling round on bicycles with their kids in tow. As such has some very fine eating and drinking options — in particular the Plumicorn restaurant, whose menu mixes ambitious fine dining with crowd-pleasing classics. It’s too far to walk, but The Tawny will happily pick you up in a Land Rover, and drive you back to Falcon Farmhouse afterwards.
Achingly cool, The Plumicorn looks out across the whole of The Tawny's property.
If you'd rather eat in the farmhouse but not worry about spending hours in the kitchen, the hotel kitchen have a series of different hampers that they’ll prepare, from lasagnes and cinema snacks to a pre-prepped Sunday roast with all the trimmings.
Even better, though, is the other option: one of The Tawny’s chefs will come out to the Farmhouse, together with a waitperson, to look after you for the evening, preparing a banquet. Everything from seven-course tasting menu to locally-sourced feasts and barbecues are options. It's not cheap (expect to pay £50 a head) but it's pretty special. We had the barbecue, which turned out to be a sensational spread prepared by the Plumicorn’s head chef Andrew Watts.
How else they’ll keep you busy
The Falcon Farmhouse itself is ringed by farmland rather than open country for walking or running, but The Tawny sits on a beautifully-landscaped 70 acre estate, and backs on to the Consall Valley Nature Reserve.
The grounds are delightful.
There’s a folly trail that you can enjoy whether walking, running or on two wheels (it’s free to borrow a bicycle), while there’s also a large outdoor pool and a games room. You can also book spa treatments which take place in a thatched cottage on the estate.
Modern and ancient design come head-to-head at The Tawny.
What else to do while you’re there
Stoke-on-Trent’s heritage as one of England’s most important industrial towns hasn’t made it a place of great beauty, but there’s plenty to do. The city itself is the site of Emma Bridgewater’s factory, and it has the obligatory tea room, factory shop and ‘paint your own teapot’ experience. Denby's factory and the World of Wedgewood are also not far away if you really want to dive in to why this part of the world is referred to as The Potteries.
Poole’s Cavern (once explored by Mary, Queen of Scots, and on the tourist trail ever since then) and the telescope at Jodrell Bank are also within reach, and the Churney Vallet steam railway has a station within a couple of minutes of Falcon Farmhouse.
Consall station on the Churnet Valley Railway
All that said… if you’re here with children of any age, don’t try to resist the siren call of Alton Towers, a short drive across Staffordshire. For decades it’s been one of Britain’s great theme parks, and it’s mix of white-knuckle rides and genuinely beautiful gardens, set against the fine architecture of the original Towers themselves. We loved it every bit as much as that home cinema.
One of the 40 or so rides at Alton Towers.
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