You could, of course, get married anywhere, wearing anything you like, before setting sail on a felucca. Yet contrary to modern thinking, a wedding is not a form of self expression; it’s a ritual that turns an intangible notion – the union of two people – into something tangible. And all rituals rely to an extent on traditions – swinging incense, tribal dancing and eating unleavened bread.
So it’s ironic that, in an era when even the most hardened atheist would feel robbed of Christmas without carols, so many engaged couples are keen to create a wedding that’s ‘unique’ by jettisoning time-honoured traditions. It’s a high-risk policy; most human beings not only take comfort in a degree of structure, they also crave familiarity. For many of us, the prospect of two people choosing to make a lifetime commitment is exciting enough without having to turn it into an adventure.
Not everything needs clinging on to, however: here’s the Country Life guide to the wedding traditions we need to cherish, and those that we can throw out like boxes of unused confetti.
The groom asking permission from the bride’s father
Most traditions are grounded in symbolism rather than reason. In the 21st century, few prospective grooms expect their future father-in-law to refuse his daughter’s hand in marriage, but, neither, when we shake hands, do we really need to check that the people we’re greeting don’t have swords behind their backs, as they did in the Middle Ages.
Instead, it’s a reassuring gesture that demonstrates the sincerity of the groom’s intentions and an acknowledgment of the responsibilities he’s undertaking. Nor is there any reason why it’s a courtesy that shouldn’t be extended to a bride’s mother or to same-sex couples. It’s just nice, like passing Port to the left or standing up when someone enters a room.
https://youtu.be/fc1-pj6_pog?t=0m19s
Men wearing morning suits
Then there’s the vexed question of dress. Why not just turn up in the blazer and
chinos you wore to the jolly Test match at The Oval? Or a suit you donned for a business presentation the day before?
The reason is simple. Morning dress has a metamorphic effect, creating a festive feel that has nothing to do with anachronistic snobbery and everything to do with the fact that the clothes we wear turn the everyday into a special day, whether it’s a christening gown, a regimental uniform or a pair of plus-fours (morning dress also has a metamorphic effect on the wobblier male figure).
Women wearing hats
Women tend to have a better track record in dressing for weddings. However, they often miss a trick because a flamboyant hat is the cherry on the cake of a great outfit that is no less transformative than a tailcoat and pair of chalk-stripe trousers.
Better still, it can add height and hauteur that will ward off any unwanted attention from wedding guests emboldened by a glass (or six) of Pol Roger. Even the most old-world traditions have useful modern applications.
Five wedding traditions to drop
Brides wearing white
Pastels can be perfect, and more flattering on the fair skinned.
Favours
Surely you have better things to do with your time and money?
The first dance
This toe-curling American import should be limited solely to Hollywood movies.
https://youtu.be/Q3lMOld-Ivs?t=1m
The bride’s family picking up the bill
Why bankrupt one family when you can just as easily bankrupt two?
The wedding night
The idea that you should consummate a marriage on the first night is wildly past its sell-by date.
Credit: Alamy
How to choose the perfect Mother of the Bride dress, shoes, hat and accessories
Sarah Jane Lewis, former Fashion Editor of Brides magazine, shares her tips for bewildered mothers in the run up to
Planning an English country wedding | Part 1: The engagement
'Rabbits were everywhere, lolling on lawns, rolling in flowerbeds—this Sussex garden is where it started, with a ring and a
Country Life Top 10: Perfect wedding venues
Dreamy places to say 'I do'.
Country Life Top 10: Heavenly honeymoon destinations
We select the most romantic getaways around the world.
Country Life Top 10: Wedding planners that mean business
Sometimes it's best just to call in the experts.
Country Life Top 10: Wedding photographers & videographers
Capture your big day with style.
Country Life Top 10: Wedding caterers – The best companies for killer canapés
Feast your eyes on these foodie delights.
Top tips on buying wedding presents
On-list or off piste? Country Life shares some useful tips and advice on buying wedding presents
How to plan the perfect country wedding
Annabel Beeforth from Love My Dress gives her tips on how to pull off the perfect country wedding.
The secret to a good wedding? More sincerity, less triviality
The secret of the classic country wedding is quality over quantity, says Giles Kime
Country Life Top 10: Fabulous florists
Beautiful flowers for your big day.
-
The dream home that never was for one of Britain's greatest film stars, back on the market for the first time in half a centuryAnna White takes a look at the beautiful Wallers Mead, in the Buckinghamshire village full of links to Hollywood movies from James Bond to Star Wars.
-
Country Life Quiz of the Day, September 16, 2025 gets Brutal(ist)Divisive architecture is among the themes of today's quiz questions.
-
‘City gents in bowler hats beat on our shop windows shouting “immoral!” and “disgusting!”’: The rise (and rise) of the mini skirtWhat the mini skirt lacked in length it more than made up for in meaning.
-
Helene Kröller-Müller: The woman who made van GoghAfter a life-threatening illness spurred Helene Kröller-Müller to make plans for a museum, she bought modern art voraciously, forming an extraordinary collection that shaped the early-20th-century perception of Vincent van Gogh
-
Goodwood Revival 2025: Pictures from the 'F1 of classic car races'Here's everything you might have missed if you didn't get the chance to make it to West Sussex's most elegant event.
-
Rust-free romance: hire a classic, not the headachesWant to drive a classic car, but don't fancy the headaches of ownership? Why not borrow one for a day and explore the most beautiful parts of England while you're at it.
-
(Space) oddities: New David Bowie centre opens at V&A East StorehouseThe museum will house and display the largest collection of the artist's costumes, musical instruments, set models, props and more.
-
Straw, stables and a bit of s**t: The fragrant story behind one of Hermès's most exclusive perfumesThis is the story of how one woman used fragrance to cure her fear of horses.
-
Goodwood Revival and the Scottish sheep farmer who dominated the world of motor racing in 1965The 2025 Goodwood Revival will celebrate the 60th anniversary of legendary race car driver Jim Clark's most impressive year.
-
The captivating art of the Japanese woodblockHokusai’s ferocious wave and Hiroshige’s relentless downpour stole the show at a sale of ukiyo-e prints earlier in the summer
