Choosing perfect wedding presents: A guide for brides, grooms and guests
Getting just the right thing for the happy couple can be a minefield for guests – how do you choose something they'll actually want, without resorting to cold, hard cash? Flora Watkins offers her advice.

‘We had such luck,’ said Lady Evelyn Guinness, surveying the presents bestowed on her son, Bryan, and Diana Mitford, ahead of their wedding in 1929 – ‘all ours were stolen while we were on our honeymoon.’
It was precisely to avoid such a predicament that John Lewis introduced its Brides’ Book in 1957. No longer would married life be sullied by friends’ questionable taste in crystal goblets and standard lamps. For decades, bride and groom zipped happily around Peter Jones or the General Trading Company, selecting the cutlery and crockery with which to set up home.
However, times change, and with most couples now living together before they marry, the need for a dinner service is often as obsolete as the bride’s entitlement to wear white.
"Perhaps you may feel able to hand out your account details and sort code along with a list of local B&Bs and taxi firms, but why stop there? Why not ask your guests to crowdfund the whole thing?"
Slipping a request for cold, hard cash in with your wedding invitations used to require considerable chutzpah, yet it happens so frequently now that John Lewis offers couples the option of asking for ‘honeymoon contributions’.
Even Debrett’s has acknowledged the trend, although the form of words in its Wedding Guide – ‘you may feel able to ask’ for funds – is redolent of disapproval. Perhaps you may feel able to hand out your account details and sort code along with a list of local B&Bs and taxi firms, but why stop there? Why not ask your guests to crowdfund the whole thing? Or pin money to the bride as she dances, as they do in Greece?
"Remember that people usually spend more on a present than they’ll slip, grudgingly, into a card."
Requests for money go down about as well as the news that the happy couple are to double-barrel their names – and not just among the older generation. It just isn’t terribly British, is it?
And, deep down, you know this, even as you find yourself on websites offering vomit-inducing verse intended to soften the request: ‘If you were thinking of getting us a small wedding gift/Some money wouldn’t go amiss.’
Sign up for the Country Life Newsletter
Exquisite houses, the beauty of Nature, and how to get the most from your life, straight to your inbox.
Plump for a wedding list. Plates can always be upgraded, drab duvet covers replaced with luxurious new bedlinen. For the mercenary, remember that people usually spend more on a present than they’ll slip, grudgingly, into a card. And the shameless can always cash them in for vouchers.
Six top tips for buying wedding presents
1. Stay on the list if possible. This often means buying a boring plate from Peter Jones or a saucepan from The Wedding Shop but there is a reason as to why this lists are put together: to avoid receiving 48 vases, as one friend recently said 2. So as not to miss the most interesting presents, set a reminder in your diary for when the list goes live (for John Lewis Gift List this is generally just two months before the date of the wedding) 3. Remember that the bride and groom have the option to top-up the list if their friends’ generosity have resulted in it being fulfilled before time so don’t despair if it looks empty by the time you reach it. 4. If you are going off-piste, a safe bet is to head straight to the reference books section of your local bookshop (or Amazon). A helpful tip: The Book People sell Times World Atlases for £15 online as opposed to their RRP of £75. 5. Don’t ignore the gift voucher option offered by the online wedding list site. Brides are very grateful for these in order to complete sets of plates, glasses, cutlery. 6. Remember that even if you are travelling great distances, it’s still polite to buy the couple a present. How much you spend is not important.
How to plan the perfect country wedding
Annabel Beeforth from Love My Dress gives her tips on how to pull off the perfect country wedding.
Country Life Top 10: Perfect wedding venues
Dreamy places to say 'I do'.
Credit: Alamy
Wedding myths debunked, and mysteries explained
Weddings are as chock full of myth and superstition as they are canapés and crazy relatives.
-
Name that mouse! And nine more to test you in our Quiz of the Day
Adorable rodents, a surprisingly affordable Surrey mansion and a classic Van Gogh find their place in Wednesday's quiz.
By Toby Keel Published
-
'The whiff of a McDonald’s Happy Meal has them pouring in': London, where the foxes are streets ahead
The urban fox is as much a part of the city as the red bus or St Paul's. Will this elusive animal outlast us all?
By Patrick Galbraith Published
-
In full bloom: 'Flowers: Flora in art and culture' opens at the Saatchi Gallery
From 100,000 dried flowers to a contemporary interpretation of Van Gogh’s 'Sunflowers', the Saatchi Gallery's new 'Flowers' exhibition is the perfect spring antidote to long winter days.
By Charlotte Mullins Published
-
Land of soap and glory: How the British beauty industry is setting global standards for sustainability and style
From packaging inspired by Paganism and fragrances released on the equinox and solstice, to powerhouse ingredients grown right here in Britain — we are leading the way when it comes to innovative and effective beauty products.
By Jennifer George Published
-
This rare Picasso lithograph could be yours for £60,000
Picasso's 'David and Bathsheba' — printed on rare Chinese silk paper and intertwined with the artist's infamous and complicated love life — has come up for sale.
By Carla Passino Published
-
'We moved here to be in a remote area, but there are 1,000 cars and motorhomes passing my house every day. It’s like Disneyland': How Scotland's best roads are causing local people the biggest headaches
10 years after it was established, the North Coast 500 continues to divide opinion. More tourism means more money, but for those who live along the route, their peaceful lives have been turned upside down. Matthew MacConnell investigates.
By Matthew MacConnell Last updated
-
‘What we petrolheads wanted but feared we’d never get’: Behind the wheel of Audi’s new, all-electric A6 e-tron Avant
His Majesty is a known fan of an Audi estate, but what will he — and Country Life — make of the brand new EV version?
By Ben Oliver Published
-
Country Life's top 10 arts stories of 2024
From the artist killed on his first day in the war to a masterpiece once sold for £30, these were our most popular arts stories of 2024.
By Toby Keel Published
-
The foundry where Barbara Hepworth, Henry Moore and Nic Fiddian-Green cast their bronzes
One of the oldest foundries in the world, Morris Singer in Hampshire has a long and storied past, creating art and sculpture for everyone from artists to dictators.
By Catriona Gray Published
-
'If you get 12 great photographs a year, you're doing well': Charlie Waite on the secrets of landscape photography
The world-renowned landscape photographer Charlie Waite joins the Country Life Podcast.
By Toby Keel Published