Sophia Money-Coutts: When is a thank you letter still mandatory and when will a voice note (under a minute, please!) suffice
Sophia Money-Coutts is the new Debrett's and she's here every Wednesday to set some modern etiquette wrongs, right.


A letter? A letter? What is this — 1897 (Editor's note: incidentally, this is when Country Life was first published)? Do I have to cycle to the post box on a penny farthing?
Ahem, no it’s not, and no you don’t. There are various occasions now when you can get away with a thank you text — someone picked up the tab after dinner, someone gave you a book they thought you’d like, someone dog-sat for you, someone gave you unwarranted and ultimately quite unhelpful love life advice, but the thought was there. A brief WhatsApp or even a voice note (under a minute, please!) can work in these situations.
Alas, there are still moments when you still have to sit down, like a reluctant child after Christmas, and bash out a few thoughtful sentences by hand. After a wedding, after staying with someone for the weekend, or after a particularly inspired present.
That said, I’m a big fan of a postcard. Did you take an adorable snap of their baby during the weekend? Did you take a photo of the bride and groom, emerging from church, confetti floating into their open mouths? Go online and knock up a photo postcard, in that case, and write a few (heartfelt!) lines to go on the back of it. Quick, easy, still personal and delivered through the letterbox, but most importantly the website sends the postcard for you, which means it’ll arrive promptly rather than rolling around in the bottom of your bag until you remember to stick it in the post five months later.
Alternatively, make like my godson, Jack, who sent me a terrific thank you letter a few months ago. Jack is five, so it wasn’t a long or notably articulate letter. ‘Dear Sophia’ it said, in wobbly orange, felt-tip pen letters at the top of the page, and underneath that was a very rudimentary felt-tip drawing of a camera since I’d given him one for Christmas. ‘Love Jack,’ said more wobbly letters below his picture. That was it. Just a drawing, but I loved it so much I’ve framed it. So you could always try that after a wedding, and send a ropey sketch of a salmon canapé.
Sign up for the Country Life Newsletter
Exquisite houses, the beauty of Nature, and how to get the most from your life, straight to your inbox.
Sophia Money-Coutts is a freelance features writer and author; she was previously the Features Director at Tatler and appeared on the Country Life Frontispiece in 2022. She has written for The Standard, The Sunday Telegraph and The Times and has six books to her name.
-
Prussia Cove: Shrouded in mystery and romance, this former smugglers' paradise is an isolated idyll
Come for the history, stay for the swimming and walking.
-
A glorious home in a water tower overlooking Suffolk's finest seaside town
The Water Tower on Priors Hill Road in Aldeburgh stands out in more ways than one
-
The Salt Path: The 630-mile trail that saved one couple’s life and inspired Britain to lace up its walking shoes
Raynor and Moth Winn were homeless and battling terminal illness when they made the decision to walk the South West Coast Path — and now Raynor’s best-selling book has been adapted for the big screen.
-
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Timepiece: Are men really wearing smaller watches?
Chris Hall questions whether the so-called-fashion for tiny tickers is as clear cut as it seems.
-
Sophia Money-Coutts: How do you cater for tiresome guests on Ozempic?
These days it feels as if they world and his wife are on Ozempic, the anti-obesity medication that's been as busy making headlines as it has helping takers shed the pounds.
-
Young at art: Meet the new generation of Young British Artists
As British contemporary art beats all odds to remain a cauldron of inventiveness and passion, Carla Passino discovers which artists aged 40 or under are on the radar of forward-looking museum directors and curators
-
‘If you’re second, you’re the first loser’: F1 Academy Champion Abbi Pulling on winning, filming with Netflix and what it will take for a woman to race in Formula 1
Last year, Abbi Pulling was the undisputed champion of F1 Academy’s second season. Now, she’s the star of a new Drive To Survive-style Netflix series.
-
David Attenborough and Jeremy Clarkson are the celebrities that best represent our countryside, according to Gen Z
Who are the ‘best champions’ of the Great British countryside? It is the farmers, say the youth.
-
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen: The 'Marquis of Marmite' who wants to paint your house
'I’m flirting with people’s pain barrier, like a moth to a flame — but I’m always on the right side of that razor-thin line'
-
It's your dog's world and we're just living in it: a sidecar and 14 more fabulous products for your canine companion