'Permission to marry your daughter, sir?' – Why you still need to ask for her father's blessing to get married
Asking the father's permission to marry his daughter is hopelessly outdated yet remains an absolute essential part of the rituals of marriage, says Rupert Uloth.

In The Winslow Boy, by Terence Rattigan, John Watherstone asks his prospective father-in-law, Arthur Winslow, for permission to marry Catherine. It was the expected norm of a member of the Edwardian middle classes, as was the discussion about John’s income, but should this still be part of today’s marriage tradition?
Although women now often have better jobs than men and matrimony is about love rather than business, it would be wrong to consider it a continuation of the patriarchal tradition. Asking permission of a father, or at least asking for his blessing, is more about respect.
Lord Egremont has been quoted as being delighted to be asked by both his sons-in-law and considered it ‘most moving’. Indeed, it might also be tactful if your beloved’s Pater is going to be paying for the nuptials.
https://youtu.be/f9LwERJmav0?t=6s
Like it or not, marriage means that you’re joining another family. You will be meeting them at Christmas and over the font at christenings, so including them in the betrothal, however symbolic, is a good way to start. As a nod to modernity, and, in my case, necessity, as my fiancée’s father had already died, it would be wise to ask the mother as well.
Keeping romance alive in an age of dating apps and online chats is challenging enough. Asking a parent for a woman’s hand is a gentlemanly conclusion to a courtship.
When I asked my teenage daughter’s opinion, she said it could be useful, if you didn’t want to marry someone, to get your father to refuse permission. Apart from feeling the pressure as her father over any future liaisons, it has to be better than dumping someone by text.
Sign up for the Country Life Newsletter
Exquisite houses, the beauty of Nature, and how to get the most from your life, straight to your inbox.
Credit: Alamy
The wedding traditions we need to keep hold of – and the five that need consigning to history
Times change, things move on... but some things are always worth cherishing. Here's Country Life's advice on the wedding traditions
Beautiful bedding ideas for a luxurious night’s sleep
The simplest way to infuse colour, pattern and texture into your bedroom.
Why morning dress is flattering, tasteful and essential for weddings
Whether you splash out or keep it simple, one thing you shouldn't compromise on is your wedding clothes – and morning
Country Life Top 10: Perfect wedding venues
Dreamy places to say 'I do'.
Turning your country house into a wedding venue
Nicola Venning finds out what it takes to put your country house in the wedding circuit
Credit: UK Heritage Awards
Ten of the best places to visit in the UK, from top family day out to the place with the greatest loos
The winners of the 2018 UK Heritage Awards have been announced – these are the winners in the ten main categories.
Credit: Alamy
Bridesmaids: Why less is more
Flora Watkins pleads with brides-to-be to avoid the temptation to recruit a small army.
-
'I see my dream dying': How the best roads in Scotland are causing local people the biggest headaches
10 years after it was established, the North Coast 500 continues to divide opinion. More tourism means more money, but for those who live along the route, their peaceful lives have been turned upside down. Matthew MacConnell investigates.
By Matthew MacConnell Published
-
Bramham Park: A Palladian premonition
Bramham Park is one of the most original and idiosyncratic houses of early 18th-century Yorkshire. Richard Hewlings examines its history and origins, and offers a fresh analysis of its architecture. Photographs by Paul Highnam for Country Life.
By Richard Hewlings Published
-
‘What we petrolheads wanted but feared we’d never get’: Behind the wheel of Audi’s new, all-electric A6 e-tron Avant
His Majesty is a known fan of an Audi estate, but what will he — and Country Life — make of the brand new EV version?
By Ben Oliver Published
-
Country Life's top 10 arts stories of 2024
From the artist killed on his first day in the war to a masterpiece once sold for £30, these were our most popular arts stories of 2024.
By Toby Keel Published
-
The foundry where Barbara Hepworth, Henry Moore and Nic Fiddian-Green cast their bronzes
One of the oldest foundries in the world, Morris Singer in Hampshire has a long and storied past, creating art and sculpture for everyone from artists to dictators.
By Catriona Gray Published
-
'If you get 12 great photographs a year, you're doing well': Charlie Waite on the secrets of landscape photography
The world-renowned landscape photographer Charlie Waite joins the Country Life Podcast.
By Toby Keel Published
-
Winston Churchill had his cakes and ate them
A new exhibition from the National Trust shows how Britain's greatest Prime Minister would celebrate his birthday with some massive cakes
By James Fisher Published
-
A 17th-century farmhouse with panoramic views on the edge of the village where Roald Dahl wrote his best-loved works
Delightful Frith Hill Farm in Buckinghamshire has a postcard-pretty facade, spacious interiors and a magnificent cottage garden.
By Carla Passino Published
-
The rise of the intimate wedding
Many couples who tied the knot under Covid-19 restrictions have spoken glowingly about the experience of more intimate ceremonies, which look set to stay.
By Arabella Youens Published
-
Country Life's 10 best arts stories of 2020, from the Hay Wain to a taped-up banana
The world of the arts has been heavily hit by the virus this year, but there were still some great highlights. We look back on the ones which proved most popular.
By Toby Keel Published