'When it comes to dating, longer notes are allowed and potentially even encouraged': A modern-day guide to voice notes

Sorry! There’s no point in grumbling about the ubiquity of voice notes, now. They’re here, everyone’s using them, get with the programme.

That said, not so long ago, my friend Jess sent me a 29-minute voice note. ‘That wasn’t a voice note,’ I texted back, having listened to it while in the bath, ‘it was a podcast.’

I tend to have a one-minute rule for voice notes — for the ones I send and receive. What can’t be said in a minute? Hardly anything. Short and sweet, and a minute means the person on the other end doesn’t have to block out part of their day (or bath) to listen to it.

But this can be situation — and person — dependent. A few months ago, I started dating a man who sent me four-minute voice notes right from the start of our relationship. This guy’s a weirdo, I thought, before his chatty, silly, funny ramblings won me over. Voice notes help you get to know someone must faster than messages. They’re more intimate, and the tone can’t be misconstrued as it so often can be with texts. So, when it comes to dating, longer notes are allowed and potentially even encouraged.

Otherwise, a minute is fine. But equally don’t send absurdly short, 10-second notes saying ‘haha’ or ‘ok sure’ either. Immensely irritating to send a voice note containing telephone numbers or email addresses, too, meaning the receiver has to scrabble around for a pen. Text them, please.

Also, a brief note of caution when it comes to listening to voice notes in public: my friend Saz treats voice notes like therapy and frequently uses them to update me on where she is in her monthly cycle. So either have a pair of Airpods ready or lower the volume. Not everyone on the 7.17am into Victoria needs to know that your pal has just ovulated.