Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio: Help, I am covered in bees

This is a mean looking machine

It most certainly is. This right here is the Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio, a saloon on steroids. At some point, when developing this car, the good people at Alfa must have thought about creating something like an Audi or BMW; that is, a refined but powerful four-door car. And then when they finished thinking about that, they made this instead, which is a hornet’s nest on wheels.

A few months ago, I reviewed the Stelvio Quadrifoglio, which I was proud to admit was one of the most fun cars I’ve ever had the pleasure of driving. It will not surprise you, then, that the Giulia ‘Quad’, which is lower and lighter and equally well-endowed in the horsepower department, was also nothing short of magnificent. But it is different.

For 70% of the time you are driving it, it is a fast, punchy, and practical saloon car. The other 30% of the time it is like being covered in bees.

Not sure being covered in bees is a good thing

Not if you are Nicolas Cage in the Wicker Man, no. But if you are driving the Giulia, it’s certainly a sensation. And one you will learn to love.

The Giulia is pulled along by the same twin-turbocharged V6 that you’ll find in the corresponding Stelvio, which produces about 510bhp and will take you to 60mph in a smidge under four seconds, and will continue to take you up to 191mph if that’s a thing you would like to do.

That engine, which is partly designed by Ferrari, is an absolute delight. It sounds fantastic, particularly when run through the organ that is the Akrapoviç exhaust system. The turbos are snappy and sharp, and 510bhp is more than enough to shift the car’s 1,600kg weight through the rear wheels.

And shift it it does. In sport mode, the car is achingly quick and assaults every sense. The torque means that it can take off at pretty much any rev range, and the automatic gearbox does a good job of letting you climb through the revs before settling down. There is, of course, a manual mode controlled by two gigantic shifters behind the wheel, if that is your preference.

The bit where the bees come in is when you decide to get really brave. Track mode is not for the faint-hearted, but sometimes in life you have to live a little. Engage it, and the suspension stiffens and all 510bhp are yours to command. The car buzzes and vibrates, like a dog on the leash itching to get after a squirrel, and once it slips the collar, you’ll find yourself on the limits of grip rather quickly. The tires will spin, they will squeal and they will smoke, and the smile on your face will have to be surgically removed.

Because that is what driving a fast car is all about, isn’t it? To make a lot of noise, feel your stomach being left behind and having (responsible) fun. There is plenty to be said about cars being comfortable, practical or powerful, but what about passion? The Alfa isn’t the quickest, comfiest or most usable car you’ll ever buy, but my goodness it is so very Italian, in that the passion is manifest in every rev, every stitch, every weld and in all four wheels.

It’s all a bit cliché to say it, of course, but you really don’t find many cars like these any more. So much is done for you and to you, that the simple act of driving is akin to having a desk job. But not in this. In this, your skin feels alive and you are taming the tiger.

I think I read somewhere that Clarkson said this car is unbearable over 50mph?

He did say that. Everyone’s allowed an opinion, I suppose. The ride is certainly a little firm, which when combined with the scandalous state of the UK’s roads, can make bumps and ruts a little unpleasant. But also, you’ve bought a sports car? If you want something that floats across the country, get a Range Rover.

Where Clarkson is correct, of course, is the suite of ADAS systems that are now as standard in the Alfa. These are annoying to turn off and even more annoying to leave on, but they are also the law now, so I am not really sure what can be done about it. It’s a bit like complaining that the sky is blue.

What’s it like the rest of the time?

Very usable. Compared to its big brother the Stelvio, you lose a certain amount of every day practicality, and the firmer ride means you likely won’t want to drive across the country in one, but the interiors are comfortable, there is room for five full-grown people and two sets of golf clubs in the back and there are lots of buttons and switches, which is nice.

Like the Stelvio, the interiors were designed in 2016, and haven’t been updated much since. But that’s actually a good thing, because car interiors have generally gotten worse since 2016. The leather is fat and rich and it smells comforting, like John Travolta’s jacket in Grease. When you are running it in comfort or eco mode, you can get 28mpg, which is more than enough. The infotainment screen is not very big, but it can connect to your phone and give you Spotify and Google Maps, which is what you want.

So you like this car, you would say it is a good car and you would admire your friends if they bought one?

Absolutely. Alfa Romeo were originally planning to retire the Giulia and Stelvio Quadrifoglio models earlier this year, but then they sensibly decided not to do that, so they will remain on sale until the end of 2027. You should get one, because cars like this will not exist forever.

Despite the fact that they are excellent, the economics of making them doesn’t work out, and sadly in this world the economics will come for us all. So if you want something fun, that you can also use to do the weekly shop and take the kids to school, this is your chance before you’ll be forced to buy something that isn’t fun. Take the leap, kick the hive and embrace the bees.