Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio: I don't have kids, but even if I did, I would love this car more than them

Ciao ciao. What’s this?

Have you ever had days where the sun just seems to be shining a little brighter? Where the birds are singing a little louder, the children are behaving themselves, your boss is on holiday, all the traffic lights are green, and so on. A day where you are reminded of what it means to be alive, and why that’s a good thing; a day where joy seems packed into every atom of reality. It’s bloody great this, you think, of life, the universe and everything else.

That’s what it’s like to drive an Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio.

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Goodness me. Effusive praise indeed

I like this car

Why do you like it so much?

Where to start. It looks absolutely sensational, for one. Starting with the vast clover-spoked wheels, to the rakish front horizontal lines and the sporty rear end, everything about this car just screams veloce. I like how the front end is suitably aggressive, with lots of air scoops and vents. It looks fabulously Italian: stylish and quick.

Inside the seats are astoundingly plush and leathery, and smell like an armchair at a Swiss bank in the 1980s. The driving position is superb, you can start the car by pressing a button on the wheel like a Formula One car, there are plenty of buttons, and I like how the screen is functional (AppleCarPlay and AndroidAuto compatible), but small, so it is in no way distracting. Lots of brushed carbon fibre, mixed with leather and rich felt trim. Nothing too fancy, but on the right side of luxury.

If you had to ask me when car interiors were the best, I would say it was sometime around 2018. That was the sweet spot where digital and analogue combined perfectly and it just so happens that it’s about when the Stelvio was first launched. In true Italian style, the designers at Alfa Romeo realised that nothing could be improved upon without annoying the driver, so have left it be. Gone for a coffee and caprese or something, who knows. Good for them.

What’s the little four-leaf clover all about?

Ah yes, the ‘quadrifoglio’. Unsurprisingly, it has very little do with the Irish, but plenty to do with luck. Ugo Sivocci was a racing driver for Alfa Corse (the factory racing team of Alfa Romeo) in the 1920s, alongside Enzo Ferrari and Antonio Ascari. He was good, but not great, perennially finishing second. He felt like he needed a bit of luck, so ahead of the 1923 Targa Florio race in Palermo, he painted the four-leaf clover on the bonnet of his Alfa Romeo RL, and promptly won the race.

For five months, he would paint the quadrifoglio on his car until it came to the Italian Grand Prix at Monza. And when he went out for practice, cloverless, his Alfa P1 came off the track and that was the end of Sivocci. That was on September 8, 1923, and ever since, all racing and ‘sporty’ Alfa Romeos have worn the clover.

So this is a feisty Alfa Romeo?

As feisty as they come. Up front, the Stelvio is dragged along by a 2.9-litre twin-turbocharged V6 that was developed by Ferrari and which produces 512bhp. That translates to a 0-62mph time of 3.8 seconds and a top speed of 176mph, with an 8-speed automatic gearbox delivering power to all four wheels.

There are plenty of big cars that have comparable stats, such as the Porsche Macan GTS or the Audi SQ5. Traditionally, these are compact SUVs that can move quickly, which is a useful thing to have. However, the Stelvio feels different. It’s a sports car that can carry a lot of luggage and five people. It is truly, unwaveringly, fantastic fun to drive.

The engine, fine-tuned by the good folks at Maranello, spits, snarls and sings, and is tremendously responsive, moving this 1.8ton wedge through the air with a flick of the foot. In ‘Dynamic’ or ‘Race’ mode, the custom Akrapovič exhaust (a must-have extra) provides the most wonderful sound track that makes putting the hammer down feel like a hit of pure adrenaline. You will never get bored of that sound.

In the corners, the vast tyres and torque management system keeps everything remarkable collected, so the idea that you are driving a ‘big car’ soon fades faster than anything that might be in the rear-view mirror. I took this car up for a week around the Yorkshire Dales and every rolling hill, sweeping corner and straight was abused. It is such a rare thing for a car this size to feel as composed as it does in the corners, with not a hint of roll, and a steering system that is so responsive that you can just point at any corner and feel confident the car will get around.

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And what if you don’t want to be feisty around the Yorkshire Dales?

Outside of ‘Race’ and ‘Dynamic’ modes, there is also N for ‘Natural’ and A for ‘Advanced Efficiency’ (helpfully spelling DNA on the central selector). These are handy for cruising around cities and motorways, softening the suspension, turning down the responsiveness of the engine and altogether making everything a bit more family friendly.

That’s the beauty of the Stelvio. It has all the attributes of a practical family car, with room for five adults, and a 525-litre boot space. But there’s still plenty of Italian passion here: not just in the way it can drive when you want to get a bit fruity, but also in the car’s seemingly psychic ability to spot a speed camera that even Google Maps doesn’t know exists, which is a very handy feature. The only thing it’s really missing is an ash tray.

I mean, you’re really selling it to me. Surely there must be a few flaws?

Oh yes there’s plenty, but they are all quite charming in an Alfa Romeo way. The rear-parking camera has all the definition of a webcam from the early 2000s; you’ll do well to crack 20mpg out of it; it has a nasty Ackermann effect when the car is cold; the interior is not as well kitted out as some European rivals; the indicators are hidden behind the massive gear paddles; and sometimes the automatic boot got a little confused when opening or closing.

So not perfect then

No. If you want perfection, go buy something German. You’ll have perfection, but perfection misses a key ingredient which the Stelvio has in spades, and that is passion. It is an intense, joyful riot of a car, that will have you smiling from the moment you turn it on to when you turn it off. You will find excuses, any excuses, to drive it. It has been weeks since I have had to give it back, and I still think about it daily.

Sometimes fate finds you. I wasn’t even supposed to be testing this car, but an issue with another loan meant that the incredibly kind and generous Jess managed to arrange this last minute (on the day before she went on holiday, no less). I will never be able to thank her enough, because it might just be the best thing I’ve ever driven.

Alfa Romeo almost gave up on this car (and its sister, the Giulia) in 2025, but extended production into 2027. Electrification is coming, even if not as quickly as before, but if you want one last hurrah, one last moment with a petrol engine before the roads fall quiet, then you could do a lot worse than choosing the Stelvio Quadrifoglio. One last night of passion with the flamboyant ex-partner before settling down with Mr or Mrs Sensible.

So you like this car? You think it is a good car? You would not laugh if your friend bought this car?

It is exceptional. It is everything you could ever want. If a friend of mine bought this car, I would worship the ground that they walk on. What it means to be human, to exude joy and passion while being a thing of flaws, is brought to life in the Stelvio. There can be no higher praise.