Take over the world or throw a great big party on this private fort for sale in Pembroke

One of the many things that bothers me about James Bond films, and films with supervillains in general, are the logistics of it all.

Are we supposed to believe that they can build a giant base in the middle of the ocean without anybody noticing? Absurd. The sheer amount of raw materials required, the workers needed to build it, the electricity to run it — someone, somewhere would notice. If there is one thing the UK loves more than anything, it is bureaucracy.

But why build your own evil island when someone else can do it for you? It just so happens that such an island has come to the market: Thorne, which sits off the Pembrokeshire coast, is now up for sale with Strutt & Parker for £3 million. Originally built in the 1850s as an outer defence to Milford Haven, it's been a fort, a hotel, and a family home.

As far as we know, it's never been a prison — but looking at the place it certainly should have been. If there's an island in Britain which ought to be dubbed the British Alcatraz, then this is it.

The prison suggestion is actually quite appropriate, since the question of what to do with one’s own island comes up surprisingly often at Country Life towers, I must admit. We’ve had small Scottish ones with just a shack. We’ve had bigger Scottish ones with lots of sheep. We’ve had one that comes with a pub. We’ve also had forts in the Solent and elsewhere.

Naturally, there is a temptation to fill your private island with world-ending missiles or various plagues in order to hold Governments to ransom (perhaps for the purpose of buying further islands, who knows), but that is a significant investment on top of what is already at least £3 million, plus some money for a boat/helictopter/submarine to actually get there.

No, nuclear missiles won’t do. Let us instead throw a big party. On our private island, with beds for 20 people. That would be much more fun.

It seems the current owners would agree, as it overflows with entertaining spaces. There is a central dormitory with lots of single beds, perfect for having your mates around. And for the ones you actually like, there are four double bedrooms dotted throughout the 8,000sq ft of accommodation.

You would hope the weather is nice, because most of this property is meant to be enjoyed outside. The large central courtyard looks a fine place to eat, drink and be merry and is currently furnished with lots of picnic tables.

The real star of the show is certainly the ‘first floor’, if you could call it that, considering it is mostly just terraces on the battlements. Some bits have lawn, some don’t, and the terrace forms a full loop around the fort, only briefly interrupted by the covered bar/lounge area (useful in case it rains, I suppose). It comes with what appears to be a Guinness tap, so you and your pals can split the G and bray until the cows (or, more likely, gulls) come home. There is also a helipad in case hopping in your boat to get the groceries is beneath you.

It’s important to remember, I suppose, that there is also a house involved in all of this. The house, and the spaces and things within it, are the result of a lot of hard work from a man named Mike Conner , who bought the island back in 2017 having seen it on YouTube. He spent £2 million renovating the place, which involved flying in lots of materials and machinery via helicopter, housing builders on-site, and making the place entirely self-sufficient energy-wise. He also made it very luxurious.

So, while it is nice to imagine using said island as a villainous lair, or as a deluxe party pad, it also works as a nice home. That’s also a fort. That’s in the middle of the sea. But at least you won’t have to worry about the neighbours.

Thorne Island is for sale with Strutt & Parker for offers in excess of £3 million. For more information and pictures, click here.