A snob's guide to out of office messages

I will admit, I went through a phase of setting ‘funny’ out of offices. We’re talking a decade ago or so.

‘I’m currently sipping a piña colada on a sunbed. I’ll respond when I reply.’ That kind of thing. I shudder with horror now, but we’ve all done silly things when young.

A couple of years ago, while loitering on a Tube platform, I observed that British Airways had launched a new campaign – ‘Take Your Holiday Seriously’ – featuring billboards of similarly ‘amusing’ out of office replies.

‘Hi there, I have received your email. I have printed it off. I’m now using it to light flaming cocktails for the entire bar. Best, Lucy,’ said one.

‘Hi there, I’m out of office atm. Replying to your email is on my list of things to do. Just below licking a jellyfish,’ said another. You get the point.

While I applaud the sentiment of taking one’s holiday seriously and not remaining a slave to the old inbox, these days I think such replies are tiresome. Sorry! Life’s too short; time is too precious to agonise over what your out of office says. Straightforward is the way to go for everyone involved. ‘I’m currently out of the office. I will return on such-and-such a date and respond then.’ That sort of thing.

Of course, everyone’s looking at their emails almost all the time, nowadays, even while drifting about the South of France or Puglia in August. There are very few places, pockets of Wiltshire aside, which don’t have 5G, so it’s a nonsense, by and large, to pretend that you’re not seeing emails at all. But at least setting an out of office lets the sender know you won’t necessarily be responding for a week or so, and if it’s urgent they can try someone else in your organisation if you’ve given an alternative contact (please check that this is OK with your colleague before you merrily paste their email address into your out of office (OOO)).

Some take a more aggressive approach, not only declaring that they’re away, but that all emails will be automatically deleted during that period, and that anything important will need to be re-sent when they return. This is irritating, in my honest opinion, because it’s creating more work for the sender, who now needs to remember to send the same email down the line. If you’re taking a sabbatical for several months, or maternity leave, this makes more sense. It’s unlikely you’ll need to read an email sent in March when you return in September. But it’s quite self-important if you’re only hopping to Mallorca for a week.

Talking of self-importance, I wonder, too, about the necessity of setting an out of office if you’re away from your desk for a mere afternoon. Are you the Prime Minister? Will the sky fall in if you don’t get back to someone before the following day? And where does this performative busyness end? ‘I’m currently getting a coffee from the canteen downstairs and will respond on my return,' perhaps, or ‘I’m currently on the loo and will reply — with nice clean hands — when I’m back.’ If you’re out of the office for a day or more, fine. If it’s less, it’s a touch pompous.

Finally, ‘annual leave.’ This suggests you’re in the military. I’m not saying you have to state that you’re on anything so wanton as ‘holiday’ in your out of office. Good heavens no, we can’t have anything thinking that you’re enjoying yourself. But you could just say you’re ‘away’ until a certain date. Why not? A little air of mystique never hurt anyone.