Times have changed. British men are now more likely to have facial hair than not. According to the most recent survey, 54% of you chaps have some sort of hairy sprinkling — from the relatively demure pencil moustache to the full Gandalf.
Gone are the days when big companies such as British Airways, and certain high-street banks, declared that their male employees should have faces as fuzz-free as a peachy pair of Brazilian buttocks. And yet there are still rules (naturally).
Here are a few:
- You need a certain panache to pull off a ‘tache. Think Danny Dyer, Rhett Butler or General Melchett. Stand in front of the mirror and deliver the line: ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.’ How convincing would you rate yourself, on a scale of one to ten? If it’s anything under an eight, I’m not sure a moustache is for you
- Although the between-stage of growing a moustache is tricky even for someone as manly as Danny Dyer to pull off. Consider staying inside for the first couple of weeks. Or a balaclava
- A goatee is never a good idea. Beppe from Eastenders was a one-off
- Short beards can be extremely becoming on a man. When The Prince of Wales debuted his beard in 2024, my old Tatler WhatsApp group excitedly burst into life. Prince William, we decided, had become the more handsome brother again
- Such beards need to be well-kept — cleansed and moisturised. Caring for one’s beard, says a hirsute male friend, is simply another grooming step like brushing one’s teeth. According to a Swiss study carried out a few years ago, men’s beards can carry more bacteria than a dog’s fur does. And while you’re a Country Life reader with exceptional taste who probably loves dogs, you don’t necessarily want to snog a dog’s coat, do you?
- Take great care if you’re a messy eater. As Roald Dahl wrote of Mr Twit’s beard, ‘if you looked closely… you would see tiny little specks of dried-up scrambled eggs stuck to the hairs, and spinach and tomato ketchup and fish fingers and minced chicken livers and all the other disgusting things Mr Twit liked to eat.’
- Le Labo makes a beard oil that — obviously — smells sensational. It makes a good present if you know a man who needs help in this department
- The numbers of Brits travelling to Turkey not just for teeth, but also for beard transplants has shot up in recent years, but beware dodgy surgeons who botch the job. You have a splendid chin. You don’t necessarily need a beard that badly
