'It’s very ageing to sneer at Essex, now': A snob's guide to the Home Counties

Ah, the Home Counties. The bucolic sound of a robin, a lawnmower and perhaps the gentle thwack of a cricket ball on a bat. Splendid.

The etymology of the term isn’t absolutely clear. Some say it derived from a historic definition used by the law courts in London that dealt with the counties closest to London; others that they were so-called because they allowed commuters to schlep into London from their more rural homes for work.

Their definition can also be highly controversial, these days. Do we include Cambridgeshire or Bedfordshire, or is that taking things too far?

If we only include the counties that surround London, that counts out Sussex. Hmm, troubling.

Here, to avoid argument and to be inclusive, we’ve included almost all of them in descending order, bar Dorset, which some argue these days is part Home County, but that seems downright silly to us when Dorset is clearly the West Country.

1. West Sussex The best Home County because it’s where I grew up. You get a bit of everything here: chalky hills, pebbly coastline, pretty towns (Petworth; Arundel), smashing pubs and an excellent theatre in Chichester. Also, Goodwood, and plenty of polo. The clear winner, no arguments
2. Kent The Garden of England, they say, and it is very lovely if you overlook a few dodgy bits around Ashford. Madly foodie, too. The best oysters I ever had were at The Sportsman in Seasalter. Also, Kent is increasingly taking the French on with their wines  
3. Berkshire I spent an entire dinner party recently listening to friends dissect which parts of Berkshire were best for which schools. This was quite boring, but I think we have to put it in third place because so many young families seem to be flocking here from London. Plus, there’s an excellent independent bookshop in Hungerford
4. Hampshire The New Forest is sensational on a sunny day
5. Buckinghamshire Lovely walking in the Chilterns
6. Essex It’s very ageing to sneer at Essex, now. Actually, parts of it are desperately pretty and the train links to London really are excellent
7. Surrey Full of commuter-belt monstrosities called things like The Old Coach House (built 2004) and Cherry Tree House (cherry tree removed for kitchen extension), with security gates at the front and water features in the gardens. Although it does have more outposts of Waitrose than any other county in Britain (19)
8. Bedfordshire I don’t actually know anybody who lives in Bedfordshire
9. Hertfordshire Or here
10. Cambridgeshire A particularly dodgy ex-boyfriend came from Cambridge
11. East Sussex In last place because it’s not West Sussex and therefore deeply inferior. Although it has a few very decent pubs, and I do like a walk and a game of pooh sticks in Ashdown Forest, used by A.A. Milne as his inspiration for the Five Hundred Acre Wood