'Who wouldn’t want a full head of hair like Paul Anthony Kelly as JFK Jr in "Love Story"?': A snob's guide to hair transplants

It’s jolly unfair, really. One day you’re the captain of rugby at school; the next, your hair starts falling out. Women obviously have it quite hard with various biological challenges, but male pattern baldness isn’t much fun either. Some of my friends went from lustrous-haired Goliaths to Prince Edward, seemingly overnight, while they were still in their early 20s.

One way to deal with it, of course, is to simply shave your head (see Jason Statham) and thereby avoid that dodgy combover period where the bare scalp is 'disguised' by two or three strands of hair. Another way is simply to carry on like, well, Prince Edward and try to manfully pull off the bald look.

Or, there’s the hair transplant. An expensive surgical procedure, yes, but in recent years, a more common one. Wayne Rooney might have been the original poster boy, but others to have undergone the knife include Robbie William, Jimmy Carr, James Nesbit and various Sloaney chaps that I’m much too discreet to mention by name.

My friend Jenn George, beauty director at SheerLuxe, tells me that the go-to man in London is Christopher D’Souza on Upper Wimpole Street. ‘I think men are still so secretive about it (compared to women and tweakments), but less and less so. The procedures are brilliant, these days — you’re in and out in a day; hide away for only a few days; hat for a couple of weeks, then new, natural-looking hairline.’ Jenn's top tip for men planning on taking the surgical plunge is to start wearing a baseball cap ‘months in advance — so it doesn’t look odd that they suddenly start wearing them in recovery.’

If you can afford a transplant, and losing hair bothers you, I’m of the ‘why not?’ persuasion. Who wouldn’t want a full head of hair like Paul Anthony Kelly as JFK Jr in Disney’s Love Story? Phwoar.

The remaining question is: do you want to talk about it after you've done it? Hmm. Tricky one. It’s not unlike ‘being on the pen’, in some respects. If you’re taking Ozempic, or Mounjaro, or another fat-loss drug, the results may be quite obvious. It doesn’t mean you have to discuss it with anyone, but some people may suspect; some may ask; some may crack jokes.

Same with hair transplants. You could be upfront — which I would probably advise. If you come out with it and own it, then it will likely save you the predictable and tedious jokes. (‘Had a nice time in Turkey, mate?’) You’ve done a brave thing. Be proud of it.

And what should you do if you see a friend who’s clearly had a transplant? Do you mention it? The jury is out. Some say you must; others say you should only comment on it if they bring it up first. ‘You look great!’ is a suitably catch-all phrase to deploy here if they don’t raise the subject, a tacit acknowledgment that they’ve had something done without making them feel self-conscious about it.

One pal says that he did had to say something when a friend of his arrived for dinner with a bleeding scalp. So, yes, I do see that addressing it in such a situation might be necessary. Even if it’s a simple ‘Are you OK?’

Remember, a baseball hat is your friend.